Farewell to Childhood

Less than 24 hours ago, I returned from a 17 day trip to Europe. Right before that happened, I graduated college and packed up my belongings to move home, pack again, and hop a flight. I sit at my Macbook, as my fingers once again acquaint themselves with the computer they haven’t seen for nearly 3 weeks. Photos upload in the background. As for me…I’m at complete peace.

I was so worried as I faced my parents yesterday about my planned declaration of independence. While I will continue to live at their [my] home for the next year, I wanted to assert that I need to be an independent young woman. By the time my dad lifted my luggage into the Ford Explorer at the airport, I had proclaimed that I had paid off my credit card and tuition bills, and listed reasons why I did not want to purchase a used car this summer in lieu of getting a new car in the fall while taking the bus for three months. My parents just stared at me and said “Okay.” They’re adjusting as well as anyone can be, it’s hard for them to let go, just like it’s been hard for me to take the wheel.

My mother suggests that I get some of my mess unpacked…sure, I’ll get to that. My room still looks like a seventeen year-old JV tennis player lives there. She’s long gone. A big overhaul will be required, but we’ll get there eventually. I look at my to-do list before I head to work on Monday, things are finishing, debts are getting paid. My life is straightening itself out almost autonomously. This is weird. I’m not used to being so calm.

One night while I was in London this past week, I got somewhat ill. While my travel companions ate delicious sweets and indulged in dessert wines, I held a water bottle in one hand and a pen in the other as I scribbled out some words that had been on my mind. It became similar to vows a couple may exchange at a wedding, but I wrote it with only myself as the recipient.

From this day forward, I vow my life to you
To make a change
And become the woman I was meant to be
I vow:

To never let money be an excuse for choosing not to chase my dreams
To work where my values align with theirs, and to work my hardest to perform at an optimal level
To pursue creativity at all costs throughout my life
To love with reckless abandon, but only when it feels right to my heart
To treat and care for my body in a way that it deserves
And to never cease in becoming the woman God has destined me to be.

So I solemnly swear today until death.

6 June 2011

Dramatic? Maybe a bit. I’ll chalk it up to being in a poetic mood that day. Yet, in the end, dramatic or not, that oath written three days ago in London serves as a good promise for how I wish to continue to live out this young life. These past 22 years of education and guidance have led me to where I am now. Here’s to the future.