To my Little Girl…

Do you see this beautiful little girl? Is she not perfect? I used to dream about the day I’d welcome a baby girl into the world. As I got older, I wondered if I’d ever have the time and money to raise a family with a future husband, but I felt something tell me: it’s all going to work out…

In a perfect world, her name would be Elizabeth, a name that I’ve loved since I was very little. In a perfect world, she would have two brothers, Jacob and Joseph, two other names that I’ve loved. They’d fiercely protect her the way my brother protects me, and she would love and care for them, the way that I love my brother… In a perfect world…

I first thought about writing this post in August when the test results came back, but my heart just was too heavy, and my prayer was that the doctor was wrong. A second opinion was needed. While waiting for that opinion, changes happened that suggested that perhaps this diagnosis wasn’t true…

I remember crying tears of joy in my office bathroom, the same place that weeks before I cried tears of sorrow. I told a trusted coworker about the news, and she embraced me as we celebrated that the diagnosis was probably wrong. It wasn’t…

… yesterday, a new doctor said it’s the only thing it can be. I’ll run more tests, but she’s almost positive on this diagnosis…

6-8% chance of ever conceiving a child…Higher risks of osteoporosis and heart disease…
I’m too young to be worrying about this…

My mom held my hand as she drove me back to campus, tears streaming down my face. I needed her. Despite everything, I needed my mom. She needed hers. She cried up to the heavens, asking her mom what to do. Three generations were crying for that fourth generation.

My mom, with tears in her eyes told me “As I am my mother’s daughter, I promise you, you will have one of your own…” It’s a thread to hold on to, but it’s something. I cannot give up now.

This battle for my health has now become even more personal. It was one thing when it landed me in the hospital, but it’s another thing to try to take away my little girl. I have even more to fight for…

Tagged as: healthy, real life